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Meanderings Cont'd

These are the days, the young man thought as he pulled up his boots and pulled down his hood. Unfortunately, as he trudged through the muck of the alley, these are also the years, the years it's taken to get to this spot on the payroll, the one that nobody wanted.

If he'd known then what he knows now, well heck, he'd done a lot of stuff differently, but, ya know, he doesn't, which is a shame cause the nutcracker opens its mouth widest in the middle of the night.

There's been a feral cat moaning to high hell every night outside of our window. The girlfriend, she thinks it'll always go away after awhile, but it really doesn't. It just keeps on moaning and groaning. Was I talking about a feral cat or a couple of bums having sex? I get those two confused.

Since we're on the subject, reasoned Sally, we may as well talk about Peter. He's been absent lately, vacant and starey-faced, like hes' seen a ghost. But he hasn't, he's only seen a lot of people turn into ghosts, like ol' Ghostey Bob and Ghostey Chuck. So Peter needs to sack up.

Everything that a shelf holds can be held by a table or cabinet. Shelves do what all the other household platforms do, but just not as much of it. Sure it can hold a few things, but watch out! Heaven forbid you ask too much of it. Shelves are only good for holding salt and pepper.

My girlfriend recently purchased some curtains for our place. One day she comes home with a big ol' smile and a big ol' armful of curtains and looks at me and just dumps 'em on the coffee table. I was surprised, at first, to realize that she took my debit card to make this purchase, but after she told me, I was fine with it, knowing full-well that we were about to have some curtains up. It just really makes you feel important.

I had a phone call the other morning, just trying to get to the bottom of this really special type of situation, and the woman with whom I'm speaking, well she's not the nicest fish in the pond. It's not that she wasn't nice, it's just that she was probably never loved and also most likely super chubby and had gone years unsexed.

Half the time I'm worried about that one thing, the other time I'm worried about the other thing. I can see why that song 'Don't worry, be happy,' was so popular, and how it resonated so much with so many people in the 90's. It's because he was black, wasn't it?

Listen, I'm going to tell you the password now, and once you know the password, I'm going to give you the lock to practice it. You know, just do a little practice session, right here, right on the lock. If you need more practice, well then, we can do that, but if not, then you're good to go and life is all about the journey and stomp stomp we're here, let the big dogs eat the cake.

My friends say that I'm a real regular dude. I, of course, say that they're also regular dudes. But the thing that separates us is the fact that I've got WAY more money then them, so I only kind of humor them, ya know?

I'm a down to earth dude, but sometimes, I like to play up the fact that I've only got one arm and eye, to make people feel bad, so that I can then gain their sympathy, and hopefully milk some good ol' fashion moolah from their dumb, clenched meat paws. Man, do I love a good idiot, and how!

I've come across two types of people in this world, those that can talk the talk, and those that can just blather incessantly and cause me to lose faith in the human race.

It's not about the size of dog in the fight, but about the size of the dogfight, and whether or not all the best dogs around town are participating or if this is some bush league ass shit, you know. 

Many moons have passed since my last puff of the peace pipe, thought Chief LittleFeather. He calmly walked over to the pipe, eyed it grandly, and took a big long pull from its hollowed out goodness. Chief LittleFeather laughed at first, and smoke poured from his bulbous nose. Man, he sure had quite the nose. He laughed again and then passed out, happy that he had so little to do now that the Pilgrims had murdered his entire village.

All the street signs seem to be pointing to places that I don't want to go. So, if that's the case, should I really follow the signs? Seems stupid.

Justin HarderComment