A Day Recently

'Man, that Justin, he sure can lightly jog to that beach,' the neighbor would say out loud to his kids, who would then wave to me and I to them, smiling and waving. I sure hope those little kids grow up to look like their mother, cause boy, the dad's a bit trollish. But there was no time for such thoughts, as the beach awaited, and you know what they say about making a beotch wait.

The beach was bustling this day, more so because the sun was out and it was warm and these things together attracted people to the beach to sit in the sand with their clothes off soaking in the harmful rays of the giant flaming ball of fire millions of light years away in hyperspace. We call that flaming giant the Sun, but I bet the other stars call it 'Showoff.'

There were lots of people playing volleyball today. The ball bounced back and forth over the net, the contestants in the event sweated and high-fived each other. They all seemed so eager to get that ball over the net, after only a couple light bouncings between their clenched fists, that's usually where it went. If the other team returned it, then the game would continue, if they botched it, it would not. This botching would cause the first team to all touch each other on the asses. I found myself yearning to be one of them so that I, too, could have my buttocks patted for positive accomplishments.

I found the rings down the way a bit at Venice beach and I did some acrobatics. I grab the dangling, silver rings in both hands, hold my arms parallel out next to me, and then not lift myself up at all off of the ground. It's tough to pull off, but I can do it perfectly.

I'm also tip top at the parallel bars, and especially more so when there are lots of women watching/judging. I find that we all do things a little bit more intensely and or awkwardly when the opposite sex is watching. For instance, I tend to blurt things out that I'd never say if I was surrounded by dudes. But put a few measly attracted women around me and all the sudden I start asking for numbers, addresses, Facebook info, when they're available for coffee or tea or liquor or ice cream. I don't ask kids or dudes these questions. Usually. And the women aren't 'measly', as in their faces are full of the measles. Measly as in 'unimportant' or 'stingy'. Much better.

All in all, I have to say that today was a success. I did the rings really well, clearly. I executed the parallel bars properly, swinging from one to the next, grabbing ahold of each in turn, then dismounting, sticking the landing, and acting like I didn't just pull my back out. Or my genitals. Hey, it's that kind of place, it's California, free-love, smoke a fatty, swing from the monkey bars bare assed, hoping someone might pat it later.

Justin Claus HarderComment