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Bikes and Bums

Came into the gym this morning pretty unsure of what exactly I was going to be doing with the weights that were awaiting me. I worked out that one muscle group the other day, so that one's out. Then I worked out those other muscles the other day, too, so those ones might also be out. Basically, all the weights, I just had no desire to pick them up and do anything with them. There they were. There I was. We were not on the same page today.

I left the gym without touching any of the weights and went back to where I locked my bike up. There it was, safe and sound. You never know anymore, not around Venice. I always see bike locks just lying on the ground, snipped, cut or bashed in. Not my lock, though. Not today.

I mounted my bike and I put my feet on the peddles, by doing this motion, I could then move myself along a road and to my apartment. That's the motion. Feet to peddles, hands on grips, eyes forward, no whining, goto town. Or through town. Just goto wherever it is you might need to go.

So I peddled to my apartment and along the way discovered the meaning of life. Right there, on the way home from the gym, I discovered the meaning of life as we all know it.

Unfortunately, it was a tough ride, lots of panting, and somehow I managed to completely and totally forget what that meaning was. Shit. Sure as shit I did. I'm not usually dopey but what I just did was a dopey thing to do. Actually, I'm very dopey. Scratch the last two sentences from the record, editor.

I'm tired of talking about the bike and the riding of the bike. Let's get to my last and final subject.

I met a man last night outside of a Hollywood restaurant, on the sidewalk, he had no teeth, ratty clothes, and he stunk like the abyss of stinky-ness, but you know what he did have? All of his hair. This baffled me. That a man that doesn't put anything of nutritional substance into his body can have a lion's mane simply confounds me. He eats ticks and condoms and he looks like he just stepped out of a shampoo ad.

And he wants my money? Uh uh. Not today hairband homeless man. I looked him square in the eye, at least I think it was his eye, his Superman-like shock of hair fell down and covered up the general 'eye-area', but I looked at that area and prepared my onslaught.

So I looked him in his eye area and I says to him,' Listen, BRO, you listen up.'

And I paused real nice and long like. Dramatic. I can have a mean ass snarl when I want to, and I wanted one then, and I laid it on. I felt that this was going to be my moment. MINE. All mine. He knew it, too, boy did he know it.

He brushed the hair out his eye-area and revealed an empty eye-socket where an eye should have been. Deep and black and hollow. The man had one eye and one hole.

'I actually don't have change on me right now, and I'm sorry for that, sir,' I uttered as I mentally punched my ticket to Hell.

He thanked me and limped away.

Ahem. Anyway, so yea. Ummm. Lookit the time.

Justin Claus HarderComment