Many Days

Well, hello again, my friendly unknown reader, how I've missed our time together, you and I. The two of us, at last, basking in the sun together, my hand on your knee, your shoulder in my mouth. That last little nugget there is from a song I've been listening to since returning from a recent trip I took.

I spoke to a young woman today about the possibility of men and women being friends. Like, serious friends, with no hanky panky or no wonky tonky or games of grab ass or no benefits or no side blowies or handies or kissy wissies or anything.

And I don't believe it to be possible. Not really. I mean, what are FRIENDS? According to Facebook, I've got nearly 1,000 of them. But in actuality, I literally spend almost every Friday or Saturday night alone. With none of those Friends around me. Just sitting there, listening to music, mumbling or grumbling about my cat's most recent ill-placed vomit or her inability to work the vacuum. But I wonder where those friends are.

I think that Gotye song 'Somebody That I Used to Know' could become Weird Al's next spoof song, and he changes it to deal with the Facebook friend thing, and he'd rename  it 'Somebodies That I Once Met' and it would be awful.

Most of my 'Friends' on Facebook are 'Acquaintances'. And there's nothing wrong with that! That's the beauty of that site. People like to collect things, and we surely as Shirley shits like to collect FRIENDS!

Girls, remember Barbies? You collected the shit out of those, right? Or howsabout SHOES? Any girls out there collect those? I see a few hands.

Whaddabout guys? Any dudes out there ever collect baseball cards? Comics? GI Joes? Yes, yes and YES. So, these Social Media sites have capitalized on human nature and our inability to refuse our primordial instinct to collect and gather. I've got a Jessica, a Stacy, a Jason, a Jon. I'll trade you 3 James's for a Suzie. 

You see what I'm getting at? I want to start trading people. In real life. I'm so tired of the Veronica's in my stable of FRIENDS on Facebook, I'd rather take a Carlos for the cheap, a Leroy for the cheap, and then a Lisa on the side. I bet I can get all that for one Veronica, mainly because Veronica really has some dumb shit to say on her Status Updates.

Back to reality, or the reality I'm living, one in which not one of my 1,000 friends on FB has given me a shout in the last half hour in real life. Whatta crock of shit. And they call themselves FRIENDS? I could be in a ditch or a gutter or a sewer choking on my own vomit from a night of sheer madness from not receiving any phonie calls from them! Their fault! It's a cycle!

Oh, I'm so sick of the moron joggers that jog in place at the dumb moron stop light. Just because the cars are still running doesn't mean you should be, too.

And another thing, kinda into catchy music over here. I dig it. I don't care what it is, if it's catchy, I'm catching it. I'm running with it. Right to the stop light and then I'm turning everything off and I'm lying down on the ground and I'm taking a nap.

The other day, I took a nap and it was one of those spur of the moment naps where the windows are open and the breeze comes in, blows the drapes a little to the side and all around, and the chimes are doing the only thing they're put on this planet to do and I'm there on the couch and I'm just in life. In life. Fully here, fully present, awaiting the next thing to happen, but at the same time, hoping it doesn't happen any time within the next hour or so, lest I'd lose some of my nap time and then I'd have to do stuff again.

I feel like describing people as fruits and vegetables nowadays. Don't you just know an 'Orange?' I sure as heckfire do. I also know a 'Banana' and a 'Potato.' Do you know a 'Squash?' My guess is yes. And hopefully if you know a 'Lemon', that 'Lemon' is me.

Oh man, where did the time go? Oh yes, into the stuff we do all day long. It goes into all of that stuff. Those things collect the time like we collect the Friends.

Little by little, day by day. That's how the Rome was built. Not in one day, but in many days. Like, they didn't stop after the first day of building and say 'Man, this city sure wasn't built today. Oh well, let's try to build it all again tomorrow.' 

They kept building it slowly, and then, after thousands of attempts at building it all in one day, it was suddenly built, and then, that same guy, he takes a look at it all and he says, 'Wellp, guys, looks like we built Rome today.'