Weeping softly into his shoulder, ah, only to wish he could take it all back.

The boy did not know what he had until it was gone, a more common mistake one could not endure.

Writer's block. I fear that becoming the freelancer that I've become has brought with it a great many sacrifices. I have little interaction with the outside world nowadays, and it's taken its toll.

Don't ask me to be anything but me. I will be a terrible version of him. I will be an outstanding version of me. I, daresay, will be the best version of me.

I've sat down to write quite a few times recently, touched the keyboard, looked into the screen, asked myself what I wanted to say, and I've answered with the same 'I don't know' time and time again.

It seems to me that I've touched upon so many surface issues over the years. I've spoken my mind to no end on matters of the superficial sort. But I've not gotten too terribly deep, and that makes me wonder.

Am I deep? Are any of us truly deep? What constitutes 'deep'? A vast knowledge of random and unique facts, obscure bands of the independent sort, a desire to love, to feel, to know what it's like to have the reciprocation of those feelings? The pursuit of knowledge, the use of massive, multi-syllabled words or insightful anecdotes, staring off into space, using narcotics, wondering about life, curious about how we came to be? Being named Trevor or Mooney Five?

Who is the deepest person you know? Do you desire to be as 'unique' as them? Do you desire to have the same know-how as them, their moxy under scrutiny, their sense of self, the world around them, their relation to the earth, or time, or the mark they will leave once they're gone?

Sometimes I feel brilliant. Other times I feel like I need to return to middle school for a brush up in common sense. I'm guessing this is the same for most people?

And what of people's selfish, vindictive desire to win at all costs? Win? Again, winners are defined differently, the definitions seem to be relative. Luckily, we have sports to tell us exactly who the winners and losers are in life. But how relative are pro sports, really? Even the losers walk away with more money than they know what to do with. But does having vast amounts of money make a winner? Seems like capitalism points to yes, in our country, I'd say that'd be a fair statement.

You can impart wisdom, thoughts, ideas to the listening ear, but the listening ear might not hear it. Hearing what someone is saying is different than listening.

Everything is relative. Happiness is relative. Sadness is relative. Every emotion is relative.

Emotions are thrust into your mind somehow. How? Someone gives you a compliment, you get happy. Gives you an insult, you're sad, or mad.

People affect. That's what we do best.
We affect one another. Come into contact with me and I will affect you in some way, as you will me. It can be the dip of your chin, the quiet laugh, your eyes looking at me right before you turn your head, but you will affect me. And that's only referencing women.

And it doesn't even matter how close that person is to you, it could be a total stranger that might not know the first thing about you, but they say one cross remark to you and you go red.

It's all relative.

That's as far as I've got so far in life. 'Don't take anything personally' is a piece of advice found in 'The Four Agreements', and I believe in that statement.

Hold strong to you convictions. Trust in yourself.

Humph. This sounds like self-help.

And maybe it is.
Justin Claus HarderComment