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As I Was Saying...

Philip bought himself the new electric car. It was small and compact, and would save him money on gas. He would be looked at as a real green-minded individual, heralded by his peers. Unfortunately, it would do nothing for his reputation of being a total nancy-boy.

Had an interesting lunch today with my friend Jim. He's a good friend and we talked in length about him and his problems. He's got a lot of problems right now, most of which stem from his inability to talk about anything other than himself. At first I just thought we'd get to my stuff after we dealt with his, but then I realized that getting to my stuff wasn't and never will be on the agenda. Oops, did I say this was 'my friend Jim?' Geesh, I meant 'my ex-wife Deborah.' Tramp that she is.

Bob took it to heart. He took everything to heart. It was just easier than 'keeping it in mind.' Bob despised 'keeping things in mind' and would much rather 'take them to heart.'

You always know you're in for some trouble when the guy next to the girl whose butt you just pinched starts taking his shirt off. Nothing good ever comes from that happening in public, haven't you seen the youtube.

If you exchange the sweater for the scarf, and it's an even exchange, then honey, you need to ease off the name brands.

Jimmy and his wife were at dinner together. Jimmy noticed something was off so he shot his wife a look. His wife took the look, shot it back to Jimmy, and then Jimmy shot it to Billy. Billy got the look, realized he was at the wrong dinner table, and left. Damn that Billy, Jimmy thought, damn him straight to the correct dinner table where he belongs.

If Edward is indeed the smartest kid in the class, thought Douglas, then why hasn't he entered the Spelling Bee? Smart kids do that.
Edward was reading Douglas's thoughts at that exact moment and said 'I'm not smart, Douglas, I'm just telepathic.'
'Oh,' responded Douglas, awkwardly. 'Then you shield definitely enter the Spelling Bee, so you can read the judge's minds, see how the words are correctly spelled, and then nail every one.'
Edward thought for a second.
'Hey, that ain't half bad. I told you I'm not smart, I'm just telepathic.'

If Charles knew then what he knows now, he would have insisted on being called 'Chuck' early on in his childhood. Because, as it turns out, nobody likes a 'Charles.'
Justin Claus HarderComment