CLAUS

BLOG

How to SELL

Here are some lines I've used over the past few days when trying to sell my old stuff. Some work better than others.

'That right there is brand ne---eh, it's about 3 years old.'

'That's a FULL set, except for five.'

'Don't get my hopes up. The whole package for 10 bucks. Or howsabout 5. Fine, free. Take 'em. Get the hell outta here.'

'Those shirts will make chicks want you. Do you understand that? They're priceless. Not for sale. Give 'em here.'

'Again, if ya want the paints, ya got 'em. Just gimme a buck a tube. But after that, they're yours.'

'This scanner works fine. Just not with my computer. And probably not with yours, either.'

'I will not break the set. All or nothing. Second thought, the set is overrated. Take one and let's see if that doesn't warm ya up.'

'Put that shirt on and I'm not responsible for what happens next. If a girl attacks you, I'm on record for saying I'm not responsible.'

'At least put the magazines back where ya found 'em. What is this, Ross Dress for Less?'

'You should be paying ME to take that from me. Oh wait, that's what's happening. Sorry.'

'Enough with the looking and the not buying. Ya look, ya touch, ya hold, ya buy. If you pick it up, don't put it back down or I'll punch you in the neck.'

'I've got it all. Old clothes, some pens, an iron, a fax machine. You name it, I got it.'
Question-'Whaddabout any neck ties?'
'Nope don't got 'em. Name something else.'

'This art bin will really get the kids excited about art, right? I know I'm right. Don't let them eat the chalk pastels.'

'If this shirt doesn't get you 3 phone numbers the first night you wear it, then you must be wearing it wrong.'

'That's this season's last season's fashion.'