CLAUS

BLOG

I'm Outside

Don't yell at me.
I showed up at 7:34. Sharp. I know what I said. Seven o'clock. I know that, and that's why YOU should've been ready. I gave you an extra 34 minutes sharp and you didn't hear my honks?
Why weren't you waiting for my honks? I honked 3 times. THREE. And on the last one I really sat on it. Probably for 40 seconds straight.
Your neighbors heard! They came outside to see what the ruckus was. I stopped honking, told 'em to 'buzz off' and went back to honking. One guy flipped me the bird. Who was that? You seein' that guy? He was old.
Why didn't I come to the door? Huh? Is that a question? Cause I was already IN the car. I was all set. Belt was on. AC blowin.
Manilow cranking on the tunes.
I was ready. Good to go.
You weren't.
How could you not hear three loud honks literally STEPS from your front door? Yea, I drove up on the lawn to get closer. Still nothing inside. Not a peep.
How were you not expecting me? Ya knew I was coming by. Ya knew I was running at my new proposed time of 7:34 sharp.
Why didn't I call? Why didn't YOU call?
I was there on time, my new proposed time that you may or may not have known about. 3 honks. The last one was a minute long. Inches from your door. I was about to just reach my arm out and knock on your door but then I'd let some cold air out of the truck. That ain't happening.
Now I gotta get a car wash cause I backed through some mulch on the way off your lawn.
Who's gonna pay for that? Mulch is everywhere.
I'd say you should pay for the wash, and I'd come collect the cash from ya for it but I'd be afraid you wouldn't come to the door when I did.
Anywho, enough chit chat, wanna go out tonight? Heard Chick Fil A's got a new spicy deal goin' on.