We're the Same, You and I

You and I are quite the same, you know.
Except that we're not the same size or shape and I've got Starting Lineups in my kitchen and I've got my artwork on a website called my nickname then my last name and I recently killed a hundred zombies in a church. And then there's also the fact that my parent's live 3 hours away with a dog named Cheekie and I'll be going to the dentist tomorrow morning where I'll tell them how my bite guard is working for me (Fine). And then whaddabout the fact that I dream of '70 Torinos and my cat's litter box smells extra shitty right now and that I've got a brother named White Tiger and another named Chon. And also my middle name is Claus and I once hit a truck with a golf cart and I once got tipped a 5 spot for doing a great job sacking some woman's groceries. Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays.
But we're the same. Ya know why?
After all that, do you know why we're the same?
I'll tell you why, eager little beaver.
Because we both can't fuckin' wait 'till College Football season starts, that's why.
And that means we're exactly the same.
I looked it up.

(Disclaimer: If you don't give a flying noodle about the start of the College Football season then I'm sure we can find something else that will make us the same...let me think. We both can read? Ah yes, that should do it. Sameness the world over. Good eve.)