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Things to do in the Car

I like to do all kinds of fun shit in my car. I'm not in my car too much, but when I am, I make sure to make the best of it. It's not even a car, really. It's a bigass, gasoline guzzling clunker that I'm sure I could get some cash for but I'm not going to do that. I own it, and not having a car payment makes me feel kinda American. And things that make me feel American I'm not gonna stop doing. Like beating up dickheads and makin' kissey noises at hotties on the slotties. Ugh. I don't do that. I make kissey noises at my co-workers, though, and that's pretty American, too.
Some fun things I do in my car are as follows:
Drive. Driving is fun and I'm not sure there's any other place to do that activity than in a car. People like to 'drive' meetings by grabbing the mouse and leading us around the screen, but let's face it, they're idiots. Driving is for cars, so driving is a very fun thing I do when I'm in the car. I'm also fuckin' amazing at driving, and have never been in a wreck. Oh, one time I was in a wreck. I rear-ended some moron and then got rear-ended by an idiot seconds later. Luckily, the guy behind me didn't speak English, so I told the guy in front of me that the guy behind me hit me first and then that sent me into him. They were all confused but agreed that I was innocent. I got off scot-free and went to hell the following night. Jokes! Love em. That didn't happen.
Another fun thing to do is to not wear pants in the car. I've got a tall car and nobody can see in my car. Except for truckers. And I'm sure they like what they see cause they honk their horns a lot. Maybe it's cause I cut them off on the reg. Whatevs.
Another fun thing to do in your car is fix your person. Be it the picking of the nose, the fixing of the makeup, the straightening of the tie, the putting on of the pants, the putting on of the shirt, the pulling of the eyelashes. People love to treat their car as a personal locker room/bathroom. Lord knows I do. There's less staring in my car locker room than in the Gold's locker room, that much I'm certain.
Another fun thing to do, and maybe the second funnest in line behind the driving, is the singing. Dammit do I love singing in the car. That was not a question. I DO love singing in the car. And I suck at singing. But that doesn't matter. Cause I'm in my car locker room, without pants on and driving my ass somewhere unimportant and I'm singing. Whatta feeling. I'm actually typing this right now as I'm doing all of those. Might explain some of the type-o's cause I'm going 50 and a trucker just honked. Told ya.
Texting. Hmmm. Interesting. I'm not sure I really wanna admit that I do this in the car, but I do. I shouldn't though. So, I guess I'll stop that. Ya look stupid and everyone knows it.
And another thing I need to quit doing is passing gas. It's kinda fun when I'm by myself, but it's not good for the life of the car, apparently. And there's never any passing of the blame once someone gets inside. Just like an elevator by yourself. We all knew who it was, jackass. There' nobody else here but you.