There's (not) an App for that. Yet.

So, we've all seen the commercials. White background. Hand holding an iphone in the middle of the screen. Finger moves across the iphone's face. Close-up of a sleek rounded edge square on the screen that does something magical when the perfectly manicured fingernail taps it.
'Say you get lost in the woods and need to know North from South. There's an App for that.'
Wellp, it got me thinking. And that always hurts just a little bit at first.
There are a TON of Apps. Something like 1,000 new ones everyday. I just made that up. I don't know how many. But that's besides the point.
The point is that I wanna give a shot at some Apps creation! Here are a few ideas that the iphone needs to implement. (And once they do and some 5 year old makes millions off of them, I'll wish I created an App that would have made me stop typing at this point so as not to give away these gems. But screw it, life's too short)
Disclaimer: Some of these might work better than others.

The 'Gaydar' App. Think someone's hiding something? Simply press the Gaydar App on your trusty iphone and watch that screen blip! Yep, you knew it, didn't you? And to think drinking a Tart-n-Tiny-Tini didn't give it away.

The 'Gimme all your money!' App. You've had a rough day and rougher year. Nothing's going your way. Have no fear, the 'gimme all your money' App is here! Go get in line at the bank and press this ingenius App and watch the money fly! Comes in three voice choices--white day-trader, Jose Canseco, and down-on-his-luck street urchin.

The 'Workout' App. Don't feel like hitting the gym today? Press the workout app and watch some attractive male or female (depending on what ya like) do some lunges, push-ups, stair stepper, and squats. Yep, feel better already, don't ya? And ya didn't even have to break a sweat.

The 'Are they into me?' App. Meet someone at the bar and can't tell if they're giving you vibes or just being nice? Wellp, pull out the iphone right in their face, tap this app and see the scales tilt. Yipee, you knew it! Thank your iphone by accidentally dropping it on the floor somewhere, you lush.

The 'Mouse-Trap' App. Got a problem with mice at your home or office? Whip out this app and set it on the ground in front of the culprit's hole in the wall. BOOM! Make that little rodent's step onto this App his LAST! Problem solved.

The 'Is the hot-tub hot enough yet? App. Tired of putting your hand in the hot-tub time after time to see if it's hot enough? Well, have we got the App for you. Bring your iphone over to the water, push this App and simply drop it in! You'll be amazed at the results. You're welcome. Comes with complimentary 'You might be Pruney' App.

The 'Have I had too much to drink? App. This is the piece-de-resistance. Ever have one too many bottles of hooch at Happy Hour? Maybe you have and maybe you're better than me. But chances are, you're not. My guess is that you've had too much at some point in your life. And this is right up your alley. Tap this App before ya leave the bar. If you can actually tap it, you've not had too much. If you can't tap it, you have. Call a cab (there's an App for that)!

So, there ya have it. My first installment of Apps I'd like to see. I've now trademarked them all and will get a 5 year old Indoneisan boy to make them all for me over the weekend. I'll be rolling in the dough by Memorial Day.
God Bless America.