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Hallo

Ok, so kids love Halloween for the candy. And parents love Halloween because their kids love Halloween. But what do the men and women, ages 22-35 without kiddies love about Halloween?
The parties. And there ain't one damn thing wrong with that, is there?
It's an excuse to put something on that you'd not normally wear and to not take yourself seriously. Or, if you're more into the scarier costumes, then you can take yourself very seriously and really freak people out. Knives comin' out of eyes type of stuff.
Regardless of your costume, people then like to attend parties as their new alter ego. It's been happening since the Romans, look it up.
But the biggest trend we've all been seeing for quite some time is the advent of the 'naughty' costumes for women. So if you're a woman and you like Halloween, chances are that at some point in your life you're going to (or already have) dress up as a 'naughty' version of a costume you once wore as an innocent child.
When it was cute to throw up on yourself a little bit.
When it was cute when your Momma and Pappy stuffed your ass in that little pumpkin suit and told ya to bring home dinner.
Oh, if they could see you now.
Chest pushed up.
Stomach naked to the world.
Orange fishnets going up to your thong pumpkin colored boy shorts.
Hair done up like a damn hairspray commercial.
You're out of control, aren't you? What? I'm not saying anything you weren't already thinking when you saw the last one on the rack was an XS and you're a medium. But it's soooo cute, you reason with yourself. Yea, but all the other girls might think I'm a slut-o. Forget the other girls, I'm gonna get wasted, you say.
I know how it is.
I tried to stuff myself into a Foliage Fairy costume this year. It was a Medium in Womens. No dice. I ripped it and had to slip it off and throw it in the bag before I was forced to pay for it. Like it would matter in 'Spirit Costume Wholesale.' The place was in shambles and I think I just got some Herp from an employee looking at me.
My next attempt was with a Ninja Turtle onesie. It woulda been perfect. It had the red mask and a plastic Psi, cause it was Raphael. Woulda been cool to stir drinks with that thing all night, or pick my nose with it. There was a cool shell that I could have on my back and could pull my head into it every once in a while to look like I was shy.
Dammit if it didn't cut off circulation to my nether-region and had to be abandoned.
It was at this point that I began making excuses as to why my costume would suck this year. 'Didn't have enough time. It crept up on me. Getting too old for this.'
I say em every year, and they're all true.
I am getting too old for this. I've got better things to spend my time on. Dressing up like a damn kid, putting on the whole act. Dance monkey dance.
Right?
Wrong!
WRONG WRONG WRONG!
I'll be dressing up for Halloween for the rest of my life and I urge you to, as well.
It is our duty and it is my calling.
It's just a lot of fucking fun.
Happy Halloween and Auf Wiedersehen.
Clausey die Deutsche Herr
Justin Claus HarderComment